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About Traditional Art / Hobbyist Premium Member Stephanie "Stevie" Downer-Bell25/Female/Canada Groups :iconsengoku-basara-fc: Sengoku-Basara-FC
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Deviant for 10 Years
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Given by Lyricanna
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I want too many things... XD

The Stamp Collection

Demonology love by Ningyoplug
I love Foxes by WishmasterAlchemistI love Barn Owls by WishmasterAlchemist
Nocturnal Stamp by Toy-SoulPlague Doctor Stamp by Spikytastic
Stamp: Pairing Preferences by JammerleeFire Emblem - Tibarn x Reyson Stamp by Heroine-of-Time-7
Pairings Stamp by LyricannaTyping Stamp by In-The-Machine
Blood and Sand stamp by Chrysalislover
stamp by squisheh17Music helps me create OCs... by Riona-la-crevette
I Am What I Am Stamp by Powerwing-Amber
I imagine with music Stamp by tastelessfate
Super Mario RPG Stamp by smrpg
Kute kittens by prosaixKeep Calm and Carry On stamp by Bourbons3
Goemon stamp by BonJiro (☄●∀´)☄
Sengoku basara stamp by strawdoll
I Support Burlesque -dA Stamp- by demonicademorteFlan Lover Stamp by VioletLunchell
I just want to DRAW by Hito76


Just a reminder that when I post a "character concept" or a "design", doesn't mean it's stock or free to refer to for your own work. Therefore - PLEASE don't use my work as if it was stock. 
And I'm back to designing Sengoku OCs. So some for SW/SM4 are going to be up in the future. 
dA's new symbol reminds me of a cactus doing a little jig. 
I'm thinking about bringing back drawing streams, I've missed working with my tablet and fooling around on SAI. Anyone be willing to watch me make an ass of myself? 

End of 2014

Wed Dec 31, 2014, 6:32 PM

This might be a lengthy journal, so bear with me. 

2014 proved to be one of the toughest years for me. There was a lot of loss and very little gain on my part, and most of it taking a huge toll on me both physically and mentally. 

 Psychiatric therapy continued, I moved to a new city to start my internship and I was left with very little to work from. A letter to someone I treasured once will be below. As a disclaimer, I'm not doing it to get her attention or anyone's for that matter. It's my way of finding a form of conclusion and just wanting to move on. 

For 2015, my goals are to get a job and continue with my artwork. I'm hoping to get some juried and put on display at one of the local art galleries/ handmade craft store here in Kingston. My shells in particular, but since Rhys got me a new easel for X-Mas, I'm hoping some paintings as well. I have 2 in the works that are based after tarot cards. 2015 is going to be spent just rebuilding my life, continuing to do art and just live my life. At least, that's my hope for the new year - admittedly I'm not looking forward to turning 25 in a week :lol: 


Be safe, have a happy New Year and bring on 2015! 

Letter and whatnot starts here.
TL;DR - I forgive you for all the shit I had to deal with, and hopefully I can stop crying over a one-sided friendship and move on. 
The early part of the year I lost a couple of people who were important to me. A friendship of 14 years ended in tears and mixed mindsets. I spent the remainder of this year feeling guilty, responsible for the way things went and a mess. I cried a lot, I was angry and filled with hatred. I kept flip-flopping on writing a letter, maybe just find some closure. Now is a good time to do so, I suppose. 

I forgive you. Even though I was left to clean up the mess, unravelled any mental healing I had, and was forced to take matters to my family so I wouldn't end my own life to get out of a debt with that place you call a house of "healing". I almost died that day, I was almost institutionalized a second time. To you, that is just me 'acting out', 'seeking attention', and 'being immature'. You hated prescription drugs, you voiced how much you disliked their uses - even when you knew I was already through prescription #3, just hoping for my brain to be quiet. 

I forgive you. Even though I was the only one hanging onto that tiny bit of hope that maybe, just maybe, 'things would be different'. That maybe we could renew this old, 14 years too many of a friendship.  I held on, even when you decided to let go. Maybe I was mentally disabled, maybe I was lost in our makeshift worlds, our little fantasies. It was all I had to keep me going, to keep making art. 

I forgive you. Even though I hate the people you stay by, watching you become what I had originally knew was my best friend turn into a stranger. Maybe we just grew up, or more like I hung onto the ghosts of who we used to be. There were days I wondered if any of this meant anything to you, when it meant everything to me. 

I told myself I would grieve until 2014 was over. It's New Year's Eve, tomorrow is 2015. 
I forgive you. Just enough to forgive myself. 

  • Mood: Tired
  • Listening to: Zeromancer - Hollywood


SpiritLullaby's Profile Picture
Stephanie "Stevie" Downer-Bell
Artist | Hobbyist | Traditional Art
Hi, I'm Stephanie or Stevie and I'm socially awkward. :dummy:
I draw, I paint and I occasionally write.

++ Borderline Stamp by dimruthien++ SI Awareness - Stamp 2 by dimruthien++ Mental Illness Awareness by dimruthien++ Don't Tell Me by dimruthien

Stamp: Pairing Orientations by Jammerlee

DB: OCxCanon 3of3 by DarkJediPrincess


Jan 24, 2015
4:42 pm
Jan 23, 2015
10:01 pm
Jan 22, 2015
1:22 pm
Jan 22, 2015
3:47 am
Jan 21, 2015
9:04 pm


Add a Comment:
LadyToothless Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Aaaaa thanks for the watch!, gurl! It means a lot!! :heart: :hug:
(1 Reply)
MistressOfHorror Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Happy birthday!!happy DA B-day :3 
(1 Reply)
LadyToothless Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy Birthday!!! I wish you all the best, always!!
Hope you are having a splendid day!! Party PARTY HARD 
(1 Reply)
aranel-luna-42 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2015
Happy Birthday you! :cake: :party: :hug:
(1 Reply)
FelesTacita Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:iconcaekplz: Happy Birthdaaaaay~ :sing: Music Note Bullet (Purple) - F2U! Music Note Bullet (Light Blue) - F2U Music Note Bullet (Black) - F2U Music Note Bullet (Blue) - F2U Music Note Bullet (Red) - F2U Music Note Bullet (Orange) - F2U Music Note Bullet (Pink) - F2U

Hope you have a good one!

Stop making me feel old! :lol:
(1 Reply)
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